Wanker (noun): a contemptible person (used as a generalised term of abuse)
If you’re familiar with British or Aussie slang, than you’ll know this word has a few other meanings, but in this context the definition “contemptible” will do just fine. It may even be too polite.
This post began as a reflection of how I’ve felt since making the unexpected decision to come back to Tasmania. I thought I’d have a hard time adjusting to being back here and knowing that it’s going to be a little while before I get back on the road. Except, that kind of hasn’t been an issue. Perhaps because no one made me come back. I was two weeks from leaving the country when I decided to stick around. There’s very little point being frustrated with a decision I made rather confidently in 12 minutes. I only have myself to blame and that’s no fun.
This post was also going to discuss one of the things that has been a battle since moving back, which is the consequences of returning after three years. As it turns out, that’s a long time. It’s enough time for people to get married, have babies and build very full lives that I’m no longer a part of because I haven’t been here. I was knew life on the North-West Coast wouldn’t be exactly as I remembered it, but there is a difference between knowing that and experiencing it.
But as it turns out neither of those issues are really anything compared to unfortunate realisation of what three years of living and travelling around the world has done to me.
It makes me sound like a wanker.
You see, I am now that pretentious person you want to punch in the face. Hell, I want to punch me in the face. I consider myself lucky that my face so far remains unblemished. I put it down to having some very well-mannered friends and co-workers. Because there are only so many times you can start a sentence with “Well when I was in…..” before you start pissing people off.
Anything sets me off.
Talking about puppies? I’ll tell you about my visit a dog shelter in Albania where some abandoned puppies peed on me right before I had to catch a bus. They were so cute.
Weddings? Oh there was that time I gatecrashed a wedding in Montenegro.
Your power bill is high? Well I just can’t get over the cost of power in Tasmania compared to in Vancouver. And yes, both places uses hydro electricity!
The cafe doesn’t offer soy milk? Bugger. It was so hard to find in Eastern Europe too.
It’s raining today? Yeah it rained in England a lot.
Sleepy in the afternoon? Oh wouldn’t it be nice to take a siesta like they do in Spain. There was this one time in this village……
Ok, so my responses haven’t been quite that obnoxious.
It doesn’t help that I work in a newsroom where we often discuss the news of the world and when a country I’ve been to is mentioned, my mind fills with anecdotes from my time there. That wouldn’t be a problem except I’ve never had much of a filter and speak as soon as a thought comes into my head. I really must work on that.
I don’t really like defending such socially crappy behaviour but most people make connections and contributions to conversations based on their knowledge and experiences and most of mine just happens to be from travelling, so it’s either stay quiet (which is hard for me) or go with what comes to mind.
Although I feel so pretentious talking about my travel experiences so often, I actually don’t mind when other people do this. In fact, mentioning something about your travels is always going to pique my interest in a conversation. But I’m not convinced everyone shares my enthusiasm. It’s like when your friend gets a new boyfriend/child/dog and suddenly that’s all you hear about. At first it’s cute and you’re happy for them. But your tolerance never lasts as long as their excitement. It takes effort to remind yourself that it’s obviously a big part of their life and so naturally they want to talk about it. But when it comes to travel people are usually less forgiving. Because frankly, no one gives a hoot that you went on holiday and they didn’t. Especially when you went on lots of holidays and talk about them until someone wants to throw a brick at your head.
Speaking of bricks, did I tell you about that time I went hot air ballooning in Turkey? Or hung out in the VIP section at le Tour de France? Or ate Belgian chocolate IN Belgium?
Oh is that completely unrelated to what we were chatting about? Sorry.
Yep. Wanker.
16 Comments
Hahaha — I know that feeling all too well. I know I sound like a wanker, but sometimes I just can’t stop the words from coming out. It’s been over a year since I travelled long(ish) term and I still find myself doing it — like yesterday when people in the office were fantasising about what it would be like to stay in a glass igloo and I was the one sheepishly sticking my hand up saying, “I’ve been there…”
Haha oh that’s classic. It’s so hard not to say anything though.
Haha – this article spoke to me (loud and clear at that!). I’m guilty of this too. I try and restrain myself when I’m around colleagues or friends but I’m not very good at it. Can I just say – great choice of photo 😉
Thanks! I thought they were appropriate. I had a few different images picked out, which didn’t really mean anything and then in a bit of a lightbulb moment I remembered Love Valley in Turkey! Have you been?
this made me giggle ALOT!!
I love it when you talk about yourself in third person!
I however do not think that you are a wanker!! Interesting is my word! (a little concerned a may be a less extreme version of this….. :-))
And i would like the name of anyone who throws bricks at my Pegs! -he he he he he!!!
Thanks Amy. I feel slightly better.
Your post reminds me of that time I was in Cambodia and was chatting to… Only kidding. LOL. I know what you mean though!
Ah I’m so glad it’s not just me.
Hahaha this made me laugh so much because it’s soooo true!! Personally I love hearing about other people’s experiences travelling but when I’m talking to someone who hasn’t really travelled I do kind of feel like this too. Don’t worry though, the only reason we sounds like wankers is because they are totally and utterly jealous of all the adventures we’ve had 🙂
I agree that I do feel worse when I’m doing it to people who don’t travel much. When I’m speaking to another traveller it’s fine because they’re probably doing it too 😉
Hahaha, I think we’re all guilty of this. I’ve tried really hard not to, maybe to hard, in that nonchalant ‘I’ve travelled, yeah, whatever’ way.
It’s hard to find a balance, screw it: I’ve been places, seen stuff, had a ball, I’d rather talk about that than babies and constant updates on how so-and-so is getting on at school! Urgh, blah blah blah!
How else can I find out if someone is a fellow travel-fiend anyway?
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This post made me laugh, I don’t think you sound like a wanker! In fact, this makes me want to plan my next trip. The challenge for you being back will be knowing the right crowd to appreciate your journey!
Ah yes, finding the right crowd (or in my case, audience). That makes a big difference in how I cope with being back. Thank you for not thinking I sound like a wanker.
Hahaha this is brilliant – and I can relate so well! I guess friends develop a lot of loyalty towards such anecdotes, they are our friends for a reason after all 🙂 Writing these stories up really helps me cope with this urge to mention things that are obviously need to be told (= not at all), and yet it happens… and isn’t it true that the ones who get annoyed are those who don’t travel (either because they don’t care or they can’t)? Travel – to one extent or another – is still quite a luxurious hobby, so it is important to remember how lucky we are!
Oh good I’m not alone! That’s why we need to stick together y’all! They just don’t get it! For real though, it cannot be helped. But isn’t that one of the perks of traveling the world? That you get to fill your life with exciting stories from faraway lands?