My Solo-Travel Nightmare: Company

When one of my best friends suggests joining me on my travels, I should be excited right?

Yes. Of course.

And I was. Until I wasn’t.

I have always been independent. Fiercely so. On my first day of kindergarten, I apparently cracked a tanty over Mum coming into the classroom with me. I wanted to go by myself.

That desire to do things by myself has only strengthened over the 23 years since then. When boarding a boat I rarely take the out-stretched hand of some gentleman politely offering to support me, and if I do it’s only so I don’t seem rude. I love taking myself to the movies or out to dinner and often it won’t even occur to me to invite someone else. I also have a terrible habit of only half-listening to directions assuming I’ll “figure it out”.

I get told frequently that I’m brave for travelling by myself. I’d love to think that’s all it is, but to be honest, travelling alone is easy. It’s the thought of travelling with someone else that puts me in a panic, as it did after that recent phone call with a good friend in Australia.

I’ve travelled with friends before and both times the friendship was lucky to survive. I said after the first trip I would never travel with someone who hadn’t been out of the country before. I would have avoided the issues on the second trip if I’d stuck to that advice. I take most of the blame for the strain on the friendships – I felt too much responsibility was on me, didn’t speak up enough about what I wanted from the trip, began to resent the situation and then became, in short, a bitch. Travelling with people who have different budgets, styles of travel and expectations is never a good idea.

The lesson I’ve learnt through these experiences will be tested later this year. Another friend from Tassie suggested she wanted to visit me in Europe and I said sure! We’re going to Morocco together, but most of our trip will be spent on a group tour. I wasn’t eager to start each day with the saga of “what would you like to do today? I don’t know, what would you like to do today”. This way, our decisions as a pair will be minimal and hopefully won’t be a repeat of my past joint travels.

You may get the impression from this post that I’m an introverted loner who hates other people. Sometimes I am. Ok I don’t necessarily hate other people – I generally like them and I’m usually a pretty outgoing and social person. People have even said I’m “vivacious”. But there are days when I’m happy not to speak to another person except to order my tea at a cafe. I like my space and the freedom to do whatever I feel like doing at that particular time. (To declare that I’m single would not be a bombshell announcement right now!)

Travelling solo is my idea of holiday heaven. I can walk and explore wherever I want. I can get lost and don’t have to feel bad to leading someone else astray. If I want company, that’s easily found in a hostel or through CouchSurfing. Time alone when travelling with others is not. The only debate over what to do that day or where to eat lunch is the one in my head. I have only myself to think about and only myself to blame. Is it selfish? Perhaps. But I see it as taking responsibility for my own adventure and happiness.

There has been an exception to my bad non-solo travel experiences. Family travel. In 2011 I spent a month in France and Spain with my parents, sister and future brother-in-law. To top it off, a lot of this time was spent in confined spaces such as a canal boat or car. We stayed in apartments and hotels, not hostels, so the opportunities to meet other people (read: take a break from the family) were slim. But it was fine. It was more than fine, it was great fun and I’d love to do it again. The following year I met my parents in Italy and we travelled together for a month. It was a really special trip at an age when most people don’t get to spend much time with their folks.

Despite the fun I’ve had travelling with people I know and love, and my optimism for my upcoming trip to Morocco, the thought of spending more time travelling with another person was too much.

After our initial phone conversation about it (and my initial excitement) the idea sunk in and I panicked. I had been doing my budget and it’s going to be a tight trip. It was looking cheaper to go to Turkey later than planned, but that would be when my friend was visiting. Already, within 24 hours of the idea being mentioned, I saw it affecting my trip. I want, and need, to be able to make decisions based on my budget and the destinations I want to see. Plus, I was already looking at a two-week group tour in Turkey (my first group-travel experience) and then the trip to Morocco with another friend. I felt my chest tighten at just the idea of it.

Having learnt from my past experiences, I spoke up. Right away. And of course my friend understood. She knows me well and, that’s the beautiful thing about great friends, she loves me anyway.